party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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