allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
