Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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