He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
