Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
