after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
