I'm really into asian looking animals
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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