i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
