hell yes lets make some ravioli
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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