I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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