so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
