I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
