She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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