OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
