im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
