No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
