I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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