we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Holy sore nipples Batman
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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