So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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