So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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