I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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