There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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