i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
