i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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