Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
