I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
