Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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