Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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