Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
