i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
