I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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