I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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