Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
