ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
