yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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