I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
