Sponge bath it is.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
