He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
