i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They took my balls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
