she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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