I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
