from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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