just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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