O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
