tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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