I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
