JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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