During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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