You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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