Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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