I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how can u be prego again
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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