I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
